Thursday, April 5, 2012

Crushes: It sounds painful for a reason

It’s hard to follow up a Brony Interview, but I guess I must try.

Today I want to talk about crushes. Because this is my blog and I write what I want, bear with me while I chat about my personal story a bit. But stay tuned, there will be fun celebrities thrown in the mix.

I don’t have much dating experience. Yep, let’s share this with the internet world. I’m 25, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed
(totally not my story other than the title, but if I have to make out with Michael Vartan at a baseball game, I'll take one for the team ;) ).

and have been on a total of 4 dates within 2 months when I was 21. Surprisingly, I give pretty good relationship advice- I’ve seen a lot of “what not to do” but am I a relationship expert? Not even close. 

The saddest part (surprised it could get sadder?) is that I’m not even a “crush expert.” 

I feel like I’ve had my fair share of crushes in my past, but compared to other people my age, my numbers are quite below average. I guess for me, I don’t crush on multiple guys at one time. Even in crushes I’m monogamous and that’s going to be a really good thing when I’m in a relationship- fidelity will never be an issue on my end.

Looking back I can see why I’ve always been single. I have watched my friends go through shit relationships and constantly get hurt because they don’t think they deserve more. Back then I didn’t know if I deserved more, but I certainly wanted more. I think God saved me from a lot of heartache by allowing me (yes, allowing me) to stay single. But at the time I just felt awkward and alone. There were definitely periods when I was 100% convinced love and marriage just weren’t in the cards for me.

People say I’m picky when it comes to guys- which is funny since it’s not like I’m getting tons of offers, how do they even know? But I say that, at least now, I know what I deserve. I don’t expect a fairy tale. In fact, when I think of my “perfect” relationship, there are arguments and hard times; we just get through it together, like a real couple should. Trust me; I have a big enough personality to know there will be arguments! 

(but then you make up!)

But back to crushes. When I was younger and more “teenage awkward” (as opposed to awesome awkward that I am now!), I think I crushed on unavailable guys because I subconsciously knew I just wasn’t in the right place to be in that kind of relationship – at least not a good one.