Crushes: It sounds painful for a reason

It’s hard to follow up a Brony Interview, but I guess I must try.

Today I want to talk about crushes. Because this is my blog and I write what I want, bear with me while I chat about my personal story a bit. But stay tuned, there will be fun celebrities thrown in the mix.

I don’t have much dating experience. Yep, let’s share this with the internet world. I’m 25, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed

(totally not my story other than the title, but if I have to make out with Michael Vartan at a baseball game, I'll take one for the team ;) ).

and have been on a total of 4 dates within 2 months when I was 21. Surprisingly, I give pretty good relationship advice- I’ve seen a lot of “what not to do” but am I a relationship expert? Not even close. 

The saddest part (surprised it could get sadder?) is that I’m not even a “crush expert.” 

 

I feel like I’ve had my fair share of crushes in my past, but compared to other people my age, my numbers are quite below average. I guess for me, I don’t crush on multiple guys at one time. Even in crushes I’m monogamous and that’s going to be a really good thing when I’m in a relationship- fidelity will never be an issue on my end.

Looking back I can see why I’ve always been single. I have watched my friends go through shit relationships and constantly get hurt because they don’t think they deserve more. Back then I didn’t know if I deserved more, but I certainly wanted more. I think God saved me from a lot of heartache by allowing me (yes, allowing me) to stay single. But at the time I just felt awkward and alone. There were definitely periods when I was 100% convinced love and marriage just weren’t in the cards for me.

People say I’m picky when it comes to guys- which is funny since it’s not like I’m getting tons of offers, how do they even know? But I say that, at least now, I know what I deserve. I don’t expect a fairy tale. In fact, when I think of my “perfect” relationship, there are arguments and hard times; we just get through it together, like a real couple should. Trust me; I have a big enough personality to know there will be arguments! 

 

(but then you make up!)

But back to crushes. When I was younger and more “teenage awkward” (as opposed to awesome awkward that I am now!), I think I crushed on unavailable guys because I subconsciously knew I just wasn’t in the right place to be in that kind of relationship – at least not a good one.

The problem is I’m still doing it! I have grown a lot in the last year or so and I definitely think I could handle a real romantic relationship. Yes I’m “picky” because I’m not going to get into something shitty just to be in a “relationship.” But let me tell you blogworld- I plan to be a kickass girlfriend. Step 1, however, to being a kickass girlfriend, is getting a boyfriend and in order to do that, I have to stop crushing on unavailable men!

(this is the kind of awesome girlfriend I'll be)

I tend to go for men who are emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable (serious relationship, married-oops!), live in a different state/country (ouch!), or are just flat out not interested in me that way at all. It just happens. 

Right now, I’m crushing on a guy who, because of details and circumstances that I won’t share, is just not available. And frankly, even if circumstances were different and we had an opportunity to be together and both wanted to take that opportunity, who knows if we'd even last. So why, WHY, am I still crushing?!

You know how they say that you can’t help who you love? Well, trust me, I’m not in love, but I think that to some extent you can’t help who you crush on either. Or at least it’s that way for me.

All around, I’m just a big ball of fail when it comes to romantic relationships. I’ve learned to accept this.

So here’s my plan, ladies and gentlemen, I am still open to dating and I’m still sure God has the right guy out there who can keep up with me. ;) But right now I need to get over this unavailable guy (no matter how awesome he is- blah!) and focus my attention on celebrity crushes.

Yeah you heard me, celebrity crushes!

Why? Aren’t they just as unavailable?

Yes, but here’s the thing, with celebrities, unless you’re an absolute psycho, no matter how much you crush you know that it won’t work out. I mean, the chances are so slim they might as well be non-existent. And so you feign hurt and anger when they get attached/engaged/married to someone else, but in all reality, you never expected anything.

With a real-person crush (sorry celebrities, you’re not real people in this blog), there’s always that true hope that things will work out and you will end up together- happily ever after. And when it doesn’t, even if you kind of knew it probably wouldn’t (because you are going after unavailable men!) there’s this soul-crushing sadness that comes along. Soul-crushing, painful, and that’s why real-person crushes suck.

Or who knows, maybe I’m just doing the whole real-person crush thing wrong and I’m not supposed to get so invested and hopeful. But whatevs, the point is, celebrity crushes are fun, safe and the internet has so many pictures of celebrities (often ½ naked) that you are ensured a lifetime of staring at them with such intensity that if it was in-person you would definitely be given a restraining order by said celebrity because you’re a stalker.

And let’s face it, everyone has a celebrity crush. Or crushes. I asked a bunch of my friends to give me their number #1 celebrity crush- #1, as in single, uno, not plural in any way. The minimum response I got was 2, maximum was 11. Turns out this is a hard question for people to answer, or no one I know understands math.

Here are some of the celebrities my friends enjoy- maybe you’ll find your crush there or can mentally add your own:

Hold on to these celebrity crushes. If you’re in a relationship, it’s good to have a little fun. And if you’re single, it’s good to have a lot of fun! Haha.

I’m not going to say I’m going to stop crushing on real world men- heck, I can’t even stop with my current crush! (It’s really ridiculous people, you have no idea). But I will say that I need to spend more time enjoying my real life friends, appreciating the “view” of my celebrity crushes and trusting that the right guy for me will come along. And when he does, I won’t have to spend so much time in agony over an unavailable man, because he’ll be there, available and totally into me just how I am.

A girl can dream, right?

J